Wizwords: " Harry's lesson in self-awareness " by Jean-Pierre Bal © 2001 NCDA

Series: Wizwords in Leadership n° 016-E

Main Menu published: 2001

« Harry's lesson in self-awareness »

a short story by Jean-Pierre Bal

This contribution was first published in the Summer 2001 issue of

Career Developments, the quarterly newsletter of the NCDA (see footnote).

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In this story, Mr. Bal discloses a personal experience. The key issue here is the influence a senior leader has on a junior follower's self-awareness.

-- Times were different when I started my career 20 years ago. Job opportunities were scarcer, there were more qualified candidates competing for vacancies, and campus recruitment was in no way similar to today's stampede of potential employers to hire graduates. I was 22, very ambitious, and wanted to become a corporate leader by age 30 at the latest. This age deadline was somehow inculcated by the dean of my business school and by my father, both of whom emphasized a good beginning as critical in one's career. I made my career a fast track, and by age 32, was at the helm of an international business school in Paris (France).

Let's go back to my first job. Being self-motivated, dynamic and eager-to-learn, I went through the initial training period at a tremendous speed. A small event however was to linger in my mind for more than a decade. One day, the VP of Finance called me into his office. At some stage during the meeting Harry said "I'll give you something to think about: 'You owe it to yourself '". Since Harry is a man of few words, I was quite puzzled by his statement. Later that day, I decided to talk to Harry's secretary. He had uttered the same words to her when he arrived in the morning. She said "Don't worry about what Harry said. His wife is fed up with his workload. He also lectures at a university, and he sits on the advisory board of other corporations, too. Harry told me he had complained to his wife about his busy schedule. She did not appreciate that, as she is tired of his workload too. She's the one who told Harry 'you owe it to yourself' meaning he organizes his life in such a way that he creates his own overload."

Ten years passed since the meeting with Harry. Within the framework of my assignment in Paris, I attended an advanced program in cognitive processes. One workshop was geared towards active listening. We were invited to draw a shortlist of ten people whose words we remembered the best, and to recall whether they were linked to active listening. My list, as many of the other participants', started with my parents. Then came Harry. His words had suddenly emerged, as if they had been dormant in my mind during all these years. Presently (another ten years later) I am active in leadership education and counseling. I often restate Harry's words as a form of advice to leaders:

As a leader, know what you say, how you are saying it, and try to make sure the person you're talking to perceives the message in a congruent manner. If you aim at a change in his or her behavior, be highly aware of reciprocate dissonance in expression and perception. Change does not often occur overnight. In fact, except in very exceptional circumstances, change hardly ever occurs rapidly. It actually may be very slow, it may cause a decrease in self-confidence, and even induce too much self-doubt. Or it may not happen at all. In all cases, do ask yourself the question: am I not raising the issue for myself, by "means" of someone else? If so, it is a process of self-questioning I need to address for myself.

"You owe it to yourself....", a short sentence with many meanings. Harry was somehow trying to convince himself he was going too fast, working too much, and overloading. And so was I ! When I left the company, Harry gave me an encouraging smile expressing "You learned something here !" Yes, Harry taught me a lesson of self-awareness, and it obviously took quite some time to fully mature. Through this short story I share with you this personal experience, hoping that you may find a few clues to an optimal awareness of self and to other people's motives and drives in their work and life. That's Harry's lesson in self-awareness.

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(1) NCDA : National Career Development Association (USA), a division of the American Counseling Association (ACA). In the newsletter the title of this story is: The Practitioner's Experience - Career as Story. © Copyright 2001, NCDA. All rights reserved.

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